I'm struggling with myself again today. Feelings of inadequacy and not feeling important or wanted are starting to really gnaw at my thoughts and heart. I know that I'm in a great position in life: married, able to afford groceries and small splurges every week, a great husband, a job, and a car. But ever since I woke up, I haven't been able to get past the thoughts of worthlessness, lack of self-confidence, and the inability to be myself. Many times I feel stupid because I can't seem to figure out the simple things in life like depositing a check correctly or choosing the right time to get a particular item at the grocery store. I do have my own opinion of how to do certain things, like depositing that check or deciding which item to get when. But my opinion and ways of doing things seems second best. I've developed an attitude of apathy because I've convinced myself that my ways, my opinions are not the best...so I automatically go with someone else's ideas or opinions. I really have compromised my individuality when I developed that attitude of apathy. I no longer make an effort to voice my opinion or my thoughts on everyday things. Maybe part of the reason is because I feel like I will get shot down or blown off because my ideas aren't as good as someone else.
Something else that might be contributing to my emotional strain today is the harsh reality that I have been living in a completely new area for five months now and I still don't have anyone to call my friend, besides my husband. I am alone...and it sucks. So who can I turn to when I'm struggling, who can I turn to when my day is off kilter from the very start, who can I turn to when I need a change of pace from the day-to-day monotony? I started thinking of the familiar places I knew when I was younger and people who I could call up and hang out with regularly on a Friday night or at school. Then I think back to where I am now. A new place, new people, and not a hint of anything familiar.
As you can probably tell, my faith has been weakening. I'm starting to realize that my sense of security has been refocused to thoughts of who I used to be and the things I used to know; instead of on the true sense of security: God. I can bottle up my feelings for quite a long time until they start eating away at me, like they are now. I have no excitement for the Word, or getting back that time I had with God. I know He's there waiting for me to rekindle our friendship but I don't think I can keep up this solo act. I need encouragement and a familiar face. If you're reading this, please say a quick prayer for me. To know that someone's simply praying for me will help so much. I will make an effort to get my faith back where it needs to be; on the things above, not on the things of this earth. It's going to be a struggle, since I am so overcome by my thoughts and feelings right now. God, You are the Answer to all my questions, the comfort and security in every time of uncertainty and self-doubt, the great big hug when I, as your child, am wandering aimlessly in the midst of my own thoughts and feelings. Please help me become the person You want me to be, and to deal with these emotions properly. I'm breaking down and I'm becoming as soft clay in Your hands. Thank you for your patience with me. I love you, Lord.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Lies
I need to admit to myself that I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy. They are lies that Satan has been telling me for years but I've not succeeded in ignoring them recently. I find it best if I write my thoughts down, hence this blog, so I am going to list what I've been feeling:
Satan's lies (and maybe some of them are true...):
-too shy
-too quiet
-can't think for myself
-not assertive enough
-too clumsy
-not good enough
-too geeky
-push-over
-not loving enough
-no common sense
-too awkward
-not "spiritual" enough
-can't communicate well
-talk too fast
-think too much
-too indecisive
-too poor
-too sheltered
-not the person people need me to be
-not the person people want me to be
-too much of a loner
That's all I can think of for right now... As a Christian, I know that not all of these are true, but it's so easy to believe them more often than not. I'm asking for help, spiritual guidance, and simply a listening ear. And thank you for doing just that. God bless.
Satan's lies (and maybe some of them are true...):
-too shy
-too quiet
-can't think for myself
-not assertive enough
-too clumsy
-not good enough
-too geeky
-push-over
-not loving enough
-no common sense
-too awkward
-not "spiritual" enough
-can't communicate well
-talk too fast
-think too much
-too indecisive
-too poor
-too sheltered
-not the person people need me to be
-not the person people want me to be
-too much of a loner
That's all I can think of for right now... As a Christian, I know that not all of these are true, but it's so easy to believe them more often than not. I'm asking for help, spiritual guidance, and simply a listening ear. And thank you for doing just that. God bless.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Difference Between Religion and Relationship?
What is religion? It can be the basis for answers to life’s mysteries and it can be a labyrinth of rules and regulations by which to align your lifestyle. But, what if you simply want to live a better life without getting mixed up in all the stipulations and traditions that come with getting mixed in with a certain religion, or denomination for that matter? A new friend of mine started to ask questions about Judgment and what happens when we die; do we go straight to Heaven or Hell when we die or is there a waiting period for everyone who does die until the Day of Judgment comes? After some friendly debating with a few other “religious” people, we concluded that it really comes down to one’s own beliefs and what feels right to them. Then, you can choose which church to attend depending on how well that church fits your personal interests and beliefs. Or is that the correct conclusion? I don’t believe so.
It took some effort for me not to go into a speech of how the Bible is the ultimate authority, no questions asked. Maybe I should have though because the Bible truly is the basis of all truth and the ultimate survival guide to living life according to the will of God. However, I didn’t think it was appropriate at the time to expound on that. Let’s go back to what religion is. Personally, I think that religion is a group of many different categories, a.k.a. denominations, that basically say the same thing but some with either fundamental or subtle differences. For instance, the Islam religion states one way to “salvation” and has its own explanation of what happens after we die. Christianity, on the other hand, also has a definition of salvation and what happens after we die. But what distinguishes one religion from the next? Is there a “right” religion? Is there an overarching principle that sets one apart from the others? If one believes that the Bible is the authoritative Word of God and is divinely inspired, then yes, one religion does trump the others, and whips them at their own game in the process. However, the question still arises about how do we know which religion is the “right” religion especially if someone doesn’t have as much of an understanding of the Bible as, say, a student studying to be a Bible major? What is one hugely fundamental trait that sets one religion completely apart from the rest? Consider this: Buddha was the head “prophet” per se in Buddhism. However, he’s dead. Mohammed was the prophet of Islam. He has a problem as well; he’s dead. Jesus Christ was the “prophet” of Christianity. According to the Bible, he was dead…but he rose again. He conquered death! I don’t know about you, but I would much rather have a personal relationship with someone who’s still alive and can master the powers of death rather than a dead guy who’s still getting to know his grave. That’s one hugely fundamental trait that sets one particular religion apart from the rest; the fact that we can have a personal relationship with the main character of the most important book ever written! And, who is capable of reciprocating that relationship back to those who follow him!
Back to the conversation with my friend. If only I had the time and the conviction to have taken the conversation a step farther. She and another friend who were sitting with me while we discussed religious issues were having a difficult time finding religion worth their time. They were overwhelmed a bit apprehensive at the fact that there was so much to religion (going back to the rules and regulations issue above). True, there is a LOT of background info and different quirks behind every denomination. But, the fact is the relationship between you and the one who defeated death itself for your sake is so much easier to take in and understand. The rest comes with committing your entire life to getting to know him better and to know his will for you life. May God give us the opportunity to take the conversation one step further so those completely overwhelmed by the nuances of religion can understand the reason for it all. One thing that my friend said that really struck me was, “There’s just so much to religion, I don’t think I could ever learn about it to be want to be religious”. Ouch. If that’s the only thing hindering them from possibly entering a relationship with Christ, we’ve got some clarifying to do, brothers and sisters. May we grab the chance to explain the importance between religion and relationship.
It took some effort for me not to go into a speech of how the Bible is the ultimate authority, no questions asked. Maybe I should have though because the Bible truly is the basis of all truth and the ultimate survival guide to living life according to the will of God. However, I didn’t think it was appropriate at the time to expound on that. Let’s go back to what religion is. Personally, I think that religion is a group of many different categories, a.k.a. denominations, that basically say the same thing but some with either fundamental or subtle differences. For instance, the Islam religion states one way to “salvation” and has its own explanation of what happens after we die. Christianity, on the other hand, also has a definition of salvation and what happens after we die. But what distinguishes one religion from the next? Is there a “right” religion? Is there an overarching principle that sets one apart from the others? If one believes that the Bible is the authoritative Word of God and is divinely inspired, then yes, one religion does trump the others, and whips them at their own game in the process. However, the question still arises about how do we know which religion is the “right” religion especially if someone doesn’t have as much of an understanding of the Bible as, say, a student studying to be a Bible major? What is one hugely fundamental trait that sets one religion completely apart from the rest? Consider this: Buddha was the head “prophet” per se in Buddhism. However, he’s dead. Mohammed was the prophet of Islam. He has a problem as well; he’s dead. Jesus Christ was the “prophet” of Christianity. According to the Bible, he was dead…but he rose again. He conquered death! I don’t know about you, but I would much rather have a personal relationship with someone who’s still alive and can master the powers of death rather than a dead guy who’s still getting to know his grave. That’s one hugely fundamental trait that sets one particular religion apart from the rest; the fact that we can have a personal relationship with the main character of the most important book ever written! And, who is capable of reciprocating that relationship back to those who follow him!
Back to the conversation with my friend. If only I had the time and the conviction to have taken the conversation a step farther. She and another friend who were sitting with me while we discussed religious issues were having a difficult time finding religion worth their time. They were overwhelmed a bit apprehensive at the fact that there was so much to religion (going back to the rules and regulations issue above). True, there is a LOT of background info and different quirks behind every denomination. But, the fact is the relationship between you and the one who defeated death itself for your sake is so much easier to take in and understand. The rest comes with committing your entire life to getting to know him better and to know his will for you life. May God give us the opportunity to take the conversation one step further so those completely overwhelmed by the nuances of religion can understand the reason for it all. One thing that my friend said that really struck me was, “There’s just so much to religion, I don’t think I could ever learn about it to be want to be religious”. Ouch. If that’s the only thing hindering them from possibly entering a relationship with Christ, we’ve got some clarifying to do, brothers and sisters. May we grab the chance to explain the importance between religion and relationship.
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